Who’s up for a quick tour around the wild side of Dubai Classifieds website Dubizzle?
Words by Miles Buckeridge
If you’re a resident, there’s a pretty good chance you know about Dubizzle. It’s the online old curiosity shop, an Aladdin’s Cave of classifieds for just about everything it’s possible to own, rent and apply for. That includes villas, jobs, cars, sporting equipment, Infinity Stones and maps to the Lost City of Atlantis. Probably. We’ve trawled through the digital stalls and picked some of our favourite objects of fancy, that you can buy right now, for the right price.
Ruby from a king’s crown
Nothing says ‘definitely cursed’ like a ruby removed from the crown of a dead Persian King. But if you fancy making like Brendan Fraser and running through the streets of Karama fleeing from an undead mummified monarch, this little baby could be yours for AED 1,835,000. Disappointing Tom Cruise sequel sold separately.
The Spear of Destiny
Let’s start the bidding off for this item at AED 10,000. We have no idea why, but we feel like we need this item. Like it might be useful ‘later on.’ ‘The Spear of Destiny’ sounds like the name of an entry in the Indiana Jones film franchise, and looks like something you’d find at the back of an old bric-à-brac store in China Town. One that seems to have disappeared when you return to quiz the owner over the strange drumming noises and green lights the spear emits at night.
The seller hasn’t listed any buyer beware disclaimers about interdimensional transport, or operating instructions in Latin, which is mildly comforting. But other than looking pretty awesome and apparently being of ‘ancient’ origin, we’re not sure it does a whole lot. AED 10,000.
Ancient knives of the USSR
The USSR is an odd bit of geography to use in a description, given that A) it no longer exists and B) it presumably post-dates most of the ‘ancient’ collection. Skipping the political debate, and examining the sale items on merit, it is an undeniably cool assemblage. Whilst we struggle to choose the correct knife for the butter at a fancy restaurant, this assortment is hopefully more ceremonial than practical. And if you . are considering taking a dip into the giant knife collection market, and you’re single – we recommend maybe saving the revelation that you own an antique collection of medieval weaponry to maybe a fourth or fifth date. It’s not lying. You just have to be sure. AED 400,000.
88.5m Oceano Super Yacht
If your 150-metre mega yacht is in the yacht shop (that’s what it’s called right?) for annual servicing and oil filter changes – why not splash out (ha) on a little run around to get you from nautical A to nautical B in the interim. This 809 million dirham floating swag pad was reportedly made for a ‘prolific yacht owner’ and has whatever ‘touch and go helicopter capability‘ means. If you’re going to be a Bond villain, doesn’t it make sense to be the very best Bond villain possible? AED 809 million.
2016 Custom Polaris Slingshot
When someone says ‘three-wheeler’ your imagination, as a rule, does not automatically leap to methods of transport popular with gangster rappers. But this trike was custom-built for Miami-based artist Farruko and, actually, it kinda shows. AED 141,000 gets you some slick neon trim, 22-inch custom forged wheels, six-piston brakes, carbon fibre EVERYTHING and presumably not your basic lead-in model sound system. It also looks like it might be quite handy if you ever find yourself in a disagreement with The Joker. “Alfred! Recharge the Bat Salik.” AED 141k.