Is your child throwing a tantrum at the supermarket, rolling on the floor, or even giving you a light slap for good measure? You are definitely not alone. Journalist Michaeleen Doucleff knows this scenario too well—in fact, she once described her three-year-old daughter as the ‘enemy.’ Faced with daily storms of rage, opposition, and relentless drama, she decided to pack a backpack, grab her daughter, and venture out to meet traditional societies. Her encounter with the Inuit people turned her parenting world upside down and gifted her—and us—allies in the journey of raising calmer, more resilient kids.
The Calm Within the Storm: What Doucleff Learned
Doucleff’s immersion into Inuit family life revealed an astonishing serenity at the heart of parenting—even when toddlers went full volcano-mode. Instead of shouting, shaming, or succumbing to their own tempers, Inuit parents displayed an enviable ability to keep cool, even in the face of epic meltdowns. So, what’s their secret? Here are practical, proven approaches that left psychologists and exhausted parents stunned—and that you can test right at home.
From Meltdowns to Mindfulness: Key Inuit Strategies
- No Yelling Allowed
In the Inuit village of Kugaaruk, a spilled cup of coffee doesn’t trigger an earthquake. Parents simply clean up and gently inform the one whose drink was (now) everywhere: “Your cup was in the wrong spot!” According to the Inuit, raising your voice at a child only speeds up their heartrate—and ironically, stops them from listening at all. As Doucleff recalls, “We know when a parent shouts at their child—because it’s the child who doesn’t listen anymore.” Instead of modeling anger, the Inuit model emotional regulation, guiding children to do the same. - Self-Regulation First
Feeling like you’re about to blow a gasket? Instead of engaging in a screaming showdown, step out of the room, put some distance between you and the powder keg (aka your child), and let your own steam subside. Children learn how to handle feelings by copying you—start with you. - Serenity in the Face of Tears
When an Inuit child bursts into tears, parents hit the pause button. They don’t rush in with a million questions or contorted faces—they stay still, calm, and keep expressions neutral. Staying cool helps children find their own calm. - Ditch the Interrogation
The age-old drill—”Why are you crying?”, “What’s wrong?”, “Why did you pull your sister’s hair?”, or the classic, “Calm down!”—gets tossed out. Doucleff notes that ignoring a child can actually be a powerful disciplinary tool: it lets their energy level decrease naturally, without fueling the drama. - Physical Reassurance Over Words
If an Inuit child is growing impatient or angry, there is no reasoning or rapid-fire advice. The parent scoops them into their arms or into a carrier—yes, even if they technically outgrew the thing years ago. Doucleff states that during anger, a child’s logical left brain has checked out; it’s the emotional, non-verbal right brain in the driver’s seat. Emotional regulation is taught not by lectures, but gentle touch. - Discipline Isn’t Expected (Yet)
For Inuit parents, it’s normal for little ones to exhibit wild emotions—even violence. Teaching discipline to a three-year-old is as futile as teaching them calculus. It’s expected; it’s up to parents to patiently demonstrate control, rather than demand it.
Everyday Ways to Apply Inuit Wisdom
- React with calm, always. Avoid sparking power struggles or issuing direct orders that become a battle of wills. Instead, change your child’s environment to preempt dangerous or overwhelming situations.
- Take a break outside—literally. If your child won’t cooperate, bring them out for a breath of fresh air. If you have a garden, suggest going outside and watch from the window. In an apartment? A hallway can work wonders. The point: let them know that certain behaviors have meaningful (and manageable) consequences.
- Focus on tangible consequences, not negatives. When a child edges toward danger—say, a rickety bridge with no rail—don’t harp, “Don’t go near the edge.” Instead, warn: “You could fall and hurt yourself.” Kids struggle with negatives, but they learn fast when they understand direct outcomes. If your message needs repeating (it will!), stick with it—kids take time to absorb these lessons. But if real danger threatens, intervene promptly and calmly, resisting the urge to overreact.
- Gentle physical connection works better than words. A soft touch or offering your hand can speak volumes, much more than another round of lectures. Later, you can use play or role-play to explain what happened, once tempers have cooled.
Conclusion: Less Drama, More Connection
The Inuit don’t expect emotional control from toddlers, and they don’t force discipline before it’s developmentally natural. By choosing calm, letting silence do its work, and approaching discipline as a long game, their homes are havens of emotional stability. While you might not be able to move to Kugaaruk or borrow Inuit serenity wholesale, these principles can transform your home—and maybe, just maybe, let you and your little ‘enemy’ call a truce.
